well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
