# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize