the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
she pinky promised me she was 18
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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