So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Randomize
