My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
