Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I'm experimenting with sincerity
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
