Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Randomize
