the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Randomize
