dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Randomize
