come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
