Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Randomize
