You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
