so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
