He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
