Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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