...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
