I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
