Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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