I cannot find my penis.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
