i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
