You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
