you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
