To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
