Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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