I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
