Three words: puerto rican gang bang
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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