Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
