dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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