I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
