he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
