I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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