i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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