Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
