So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
