Swine flu. Run for my life!
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
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