I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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