I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
You dont lie about slip and slides
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
