I want to stick my p in your. b.
I just saw a hot homeless man
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Randomize
