They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
