forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
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