She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
It's official drugs can't kill me
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Randomize
