i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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