So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
