I wish I could teleport
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
