Your favorite bartender is back from prision
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
