LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
