I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
