Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
