Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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