Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
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