Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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