You're completely useless in the revolution.
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
