I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
