i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
True strength comes from lack of pants
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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