He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
