Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
