i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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