I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
