I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
the day after is always just damage control
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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