Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
