You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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