you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
there is puke in my bra ... again
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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