I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
